Will You?
by Kiera Matthews
Summary: Chapter 9 up Sequel to Everytime.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I found myself unable to resist writing this, I loved writing the first two and to be honest I though I could of added a lot more. Please review if you liked the first two stories, I'll keep this going for all of you. Enjoy-Kiera

1.

She hated herself for not knowing how to feel. She hated herself for not crying because she was sure she should be. The ground was soft due to the recent rainfall and Alexandra Orton was re-reading the words of the headstone, her lips silently moving.

'In Loving Memory Of

Alexander George Springer

25th June 1948-14th November 1989

Beloved husband and father

Sadly missed'

The math was easy to do, 1989 made Alex herself just eight and her father thirty nine. She knew that was far too young for anyone to die. She was unsure how a man that young died of a heart attack, but that was irrelevant. All that matter was that Alexander Springer Jrn had been dead fifteen years and memory or not, whether she was a family disgracing harlot or not (and according to her Grandma she was) Alex was expected to go pay her respects to him. So she did. Alex wasn't really sure what she should do or say, so she just stood there, reading and re-reading the headstone. Her mind was elsewhere, mainly on her Grandma Anika's comments. Anika was an old Greek women , her father's mother who had no contact with her that she could remember until four days ago.

"You!" she shouted down the phone without an introduction. "You! You are desgrace to family. You desgrace my son! My son who gave you you're name! You are no grandchild of me! You are a harlot!"

Then Anika had hung up and Cynthia had to explain the whole thing to her again. John had laughed and told her not to worry, she wasn't a harlot. But Alex couldn't relax. She hadn't been able to relax since the night she left Randy. She knew she should be up on cloud nine, but something was holding her back and she wasn't sure what. It had only between weeks, but she had no contact with him, Alex didn't even have the courage to go back and get some of her things. In two weeks not a lot had happened, except with John. It was almost as if now he had her back he wanted everything to happen as quickly as possible. She wouldn't have been surprised if he'd flown her to Vegas and rushed her through a drive-thru chapel. Of course Alex would be arrested for bigamy, details like that didn't bother John. Leaving Randy for John hadn't cleared any confusion like she thought it would, if anything it had caused more.

John was waiting for Alex to come home, he had a special night planned out. He new she'd been on edge ever since moving in, she didn't need anymore stress and tomorrow she'd be going for more tests. It hadn't been easy for him either, for some reason he'd expected them to fall back into a natural relationship, how it use to be. It had become obvious very quickly that it wasn't going to happen like that. For one thing she slept at the far end of the bed away from him, it was like she didn't want to be near him. But he guessed it had a lot to do with the accident, it was starting all over again for her, he just had to remember that. Alex arrived home just as he was debating what to cook. She threw her bag down before sitting on the floor and lying on her back.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She gave a small nod, was she really though? Her head was all messed up, it felt full. This was suppose to get easier.

"I had to go to my Dad." she said simply.

"Oh. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, and that's what sucks. I feel bad that I can't feel anything for this person who I loved. Did I?"

John was sitting next to her now. "From what you've told me you did. It's not your fault."

Alex put her arm over her face. "I know, but that doesn't help."

He kissed her cheek. "I love you."

John said that a lot, when Alex was feeling down or frustrated he said it. Like it was some magical band aid that would fix everything. Not that she didn't appreciate it, but now after everything had settled down, now she was expected to get on with her life, Alexandra Orton was beginning to see there was a lot to fix.


	2. Things In My Head

A/N WOW! I had no idea you all would want to read this so much! Sorry if this seems repetetive of the other stories but it will be different. Thank you to AnGeL BaBii, RKO-luver, coors1977, JohnCenasgurl and the-punk-girl-for-life! Don't make Randy sing! Enjoy-Kiera

2. Things In My Head

Alex sat in the bath for a long time, she kept refilling it with water so hot it made her legs pink. She used every body scrub and wash within reach and washed her hair three times. She wasn't sure why. Downstairs she could hear John doing something and he shouted up for her twice, and twice she promised she would be down in a few minutes. Eventually there was a knock at the bathroom door and when John walked in she brought her knees up to her chest.

"Are you ok?" he asked, kneeling next to the tub.

"Fine. Why?"

"You've been in the bath for nearly an hour."

"I'm really dirty." She said before adding. "Can you go please?"

"Where?"

"Out. Downstairs, I feel uncomfortable."

He frowned, almost as though he didn't understand her at first before nodding and leaving quietly. Alex put her head on her knees and let out a deep sigh. She knew why John was doing all this, sex, plain and simple. He had to be annoyed, by his own admission he hadn't been with anyone in fourteen months and now he had her back, why wait? Alex felt wrong about it though and she didn't know why.

_Guilt_

There it was, her ever annoying inner voice. Just what she needed.

_Hey! I'm here to help! It's guilt. You feel guilty for leaving Randy and if you don't sleep with John then it's like you haven't cemented the relationship._

That's not it, she thought back. It's just new, again.

_Alex it's just sex! It never changed the world and it never will!_

But it's new!

_But it's not._

How do I know that?

_Think about it! You've been married! No one gets married and stays a virgin! Now get out the bath, go downstairs and do something!_

Alex did as she was told.

John was setting the table when Alex appeared behind him, her robe was sticking to her and her hair was wet. He looked over his shoulder at her.

"Hey, everything will be ready soon so you should go get dressed."

She took a deep breath, her inner voice reminding her that it was nothing. It was just normal and wasn't that what she wanted? But Alex couldn't move, her feet where stuck to the floor. Why was this so hard for her to do? She ran back upstairs but didn't get dressed, instead she picked up the phone. Randy answered after four rings.

"Hello,"

The words where there in her throat, but wouldn't actually move from there. They where stuck.

"Hello,"

She was trying to force herself to say something. Randy hung up and so did she. Alex put her face her hands, she felt stupid. She hadn't even been aware that John had been shouting her until he was in front of her.

"Aren't you coming down?" he asked.

"No, I'm going to bed. I don't feel well."

He nodded and got up, leaving Alex to crawl into bed still wet from the bath. He went downstairs and began cleaning the table, blowing out the candles and getting rid of the food. John put the ring box away.


	3. All The Things I Have to Take

A/N: Woo! thank you to everyone who reviewed and to coors1977, hopefully this will answer the questions in your review a little. Enjoy-Kiera

Alex woke up cold the next morning. Everything seemed so bright and for awhile she just lay there, she didn't feel like moving. John was next to her, on his side near the edge of the bed, it seemed there was some unspoken rule between them that they should sleep as far apart as possible. He'd taken all the covers, she leaned over and tried to grab some, but in the process woke him up.

"Sorry." she apologised.

"S'ok." he mumbled. "What time is it?"

"Seven."

John nodded and rubbed his eyes. Alex felt sorry for him, constantly putting up with her bullshit and getting nothing in return. He kissed her on the cheek.

_Just get it over with._

I will do.

_Why not now?_

Because...I don't want to.

_Wimp._

She blocked the voice out, something she was getting rather good at, and kissed John back. He put his arms around her and pulled her close to him.

"Feeling better today?"

What the hell was he talking about? She felt fine.

_Last night. Wimp_

She cringed at the memory of last. As much as she hated to admit in, the inner voice was right. Sex was nothing, it had never changed the world. It wasn't a big deal. She should just get it over with.

"We should go out tonight." Alex said, not attempting to move or put her plan into action.

"Can't. I have to leave tonight, remember?"

She did now. John would go back on the road and Alex would have nothing to do and no on to talk to. Great. At least with Randy he was there all the time, whether she had liked it or not at the time.

"Will you be alright by yourself?"

"Of course. I was last week wasn't I?"

That wasn't strictly true. It had been the first time she'd really been alone, Alex had a panic attack when she reailsed how empty the house was and had to run out. She didn't come back until the early hours of the morning.

"I wish you could come with me."

"I'll be fine."

He kissed her again, then again. Alex kissed him back. His hands moved to her waist, toying with the hem of her shirt. The alarm went off. Alex pulled back.

"Shit. I have to get ready."

Alex was about to get off the bed, already all the things she had to do before she left for the hospital where swarming around her head. John grabbed her arm.

"Stay in bed."

He was almost pleading. She could understand why.

"I can't. I have to be in the hospital in an hour."

He lay back down with his arms behind his head, Alex left without so much as a second glance.

"Breakfast, shower, dressed, out. Breakfast, shower, dressed, out." She kept repeating, even as she was in the kitchen , pouring cereal into a bowl. She couldn't find a spoon. Damn everything still being so new. Just when she'd gotten use to Randy's.

"John where are the spoons?" she shouted.

"First drawer near the microwave....no wait!"

Buts he already had the drawer open and the little black ring box was looking up at her. She wasn't stupid, Alex opened it up with one hand and then John was there having run down the stairs.

"That's....you weren't suppose to see that."

"No problem."

She shut the box, put it back in the drawer and went upstairs to get a shower. She suddenly didn't feel hungry. John didn't follow her.

Alex didn't speak to John at all, not even a goodbye because she knew he'd be gone when she got home. She knew they mentioned getting married the night she left Randy, but everything was still so up the air. She wasn't even divorced yet and they'd only been back together a week. This was so quick.

_You did tell him you'd marry him._

I know, but I'm confused.

_Over what?_

Everything.


	4. Until The Time Is Through

A/N: Once again thank you SO SO much to all the reviewers. i'm really glad you all like this fic. Sorry about the short chapter, I would of made it longer but I felt you all deserved an update! Enjoy!-Kiera

4.

No change was all the Doctor had told her while looking over her latest scans, he'd said it with a heavy sigh that indicated he was getting tired of seeing her and having nothing happen yet. He wasn't the only one, Alex kept waiting for a flare of something that happened in the past. He had then, rather swiftly suggested she see a psychiatrist.

"Just incase you're feeling stressed or depressed." he told her.

She'd said no.

"I strongly suggest you do. The mental fallout of an accident may not occur until months afterwards."

She still said no. Alex was visiting the doctor so they could fix her head, not pick it to pieces. She went straight home and sat in the empty house with her coat still on and the bag still in her hand. Almost like she was expecting something to happen. Would she always feel so incomplete until her memory came rushing back? What if it never did? Then what would she do? John, he was the first thought that came into her head. At least she knew he wouldn't leave her if she was like this forever. The whole sex thing was a different matter. It wasn't like she didn't want to. Maybe the inner voice was right, maybe she felt guilty. After all, she couldn't bring herself to even speak to him and she had tried so many times. Alex didn't want him to hate her, but she doubted if he already did no amount of words was going to change that.

"Did you do it?"

Torrie's question cut right through John's conversation with Rob. She was smiling because she already assumed that she had, and that Alex had said yes and that some time soon Torrie would be a bridesmaid again.

"No, I didn't."

The smile slipped off Torrie's face like it was made from Teflon. "What? Why?"

What could he see? That Alex ran to bed and hid under the covers like she'd seen a ghost? Or that she'd found the ring and not spoken to him? Which was worse?

"I just don't think now is the right time."

"John you asked her last week. It's time to do it officially."

"She's still married to Randy." John pointed out.

"Hello, that's what divorce is for!"

He gave a shrug. Alex was different, that he knew, he loved her for being different. It was just that sometimes when he looked at her, she was falling apart on the inside and he didn't know why. She had everything she wanted, what more could John give her. The truth was he'd give her anything, all she had to do was ask.

"Is she alright?"

"Fine."

Except for the fact that she jumped a mile every time John got close to her. He'd given her space, fourteen month's worth and he was only human.

"She's had a lot to deal with." Torrie said sadly, almost as if she'd read his mind.

"I know." he replied, bending down to retie his shoes.

Of course he knew. He hadn't been living under a rock had he? He'd been there with her. Torrie put a hand on his shoulder.

"Well I'm sure you'll know when the time is right."

She walked off, but John stayed on the floor for longer then he should. He was beginning to get a sinking feeling that the time would never be right.

The next two days passed without any contact from John, but Alex found herself standing in front of the mirror looking at her reflection and feeling nervous. This was it, tonight was the night and she'd been building up to it all week so nothing on Earth was going to stop it. She observed her scars carefully, looking over the pink lines and examining every bump. God they where horrendous and sometimes she forgot to put her make up on, people stared and Alex would run home to cry. When she'd asked the Doctor about it yesterday he suggested therapy again. Sighing at the memory she began smearing her make up over her face, she thanked god Torrie had found it. Tonight was defiantly the night. Nothing was going to stop her. Not the voice in her head, the butterflies in her stomach, the ring in the kitchen or Randy. Tonight Alexandra Orton would put all that behind her once and for all.


	5. Nothing Really Matters

5. Nothing Really Matters

The first thing John did when he arrived home was throw his bag down and drop onto the couch. He hardly noticed that the television wasn't on and that Alex was nowhere around. It was only when he looked around and saw her hospital appointment card stuck to mirror that he reailsed she was there.

"Alex!" he shouted.

"Coming!"

She was upstairs there was a bang as she dropped something in her rush to get downstairs. She appeared breathless and gave him a smile.

"Hi. How was your week?"

"Fine. How was the hospital?"

She gave a shrug, he doctor suggesting therapy didn't seem important. "No change."

He gave a sigh much like the doctor had and for a brief second she wondered whether or not it was really important to him that she did get her memory back. She tried to push that away and sat next to him.

"You look nice tonight." John commented.

"Thanks. I thought we could go out somewhere."

John shook his head. "Not tonight, I'm too tired."

In her head, Alex tried to quickly rework her plan, but it had all revolved around going out to dinner. She panicked, but only for a moment.

"Do you want me to cook for you?"

"Alex, you can't cook."

"I can try."

"We'll just order pizza and have a few beers."

"No!" Alex shouted. "You just don't get it!"

"Get what?" John asked with a frown.

Alex was already on her feet. "Nothing! It doesn't matter."

She thundered back up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door as if she'd been 14. She pulled her top off over her head and began wiping her make up off, muttering under her breath and thousand curses. When the door opened and John came back in, she gave him an icy look.

"Do you want to tell me what I've done wrong, or should I guess?"

"It doesn't matter." she replied, in a tone that said it did and he should know.

"Is this something to do with the hospital?"

"No."

He sat on the edge of the bed and thought for a moment. "So, you got pissed off when I mentioned pizza. Did you have something planned for tonight?"

She stopped taking off her make up and sat next to him. "No, I just wanted tonight to be special."

"Why?"

She wanted to tell him, but the words sounded stupid. Then Alex did something she didn't think possible for her at that moment. She took charge. Alex kissed John. She shivered when he put his hands on her bare skin, her heart began pounding when she was lying on the bed. It passed soon enough.

Alex lay awake forever afterwards. Long after John had stopped kissing her, long after he stopped holding her and asking if she was alright, after he'd let go and fallen asleep, Alex was still awake. So sex had been nothing to worry about, so why the hell was she still awake? What was keeping her awake? She got up and pulled her scattered clothes back on before scraping her hair back into a ponytail. Once downstairs she drank three glasses of water in quick succession and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

Her throat was drying up.

"Hello?"

"Randy it's me. I need to see you."


	6. Tell Me Why

As soon as she hung up, John appeared at the bottom of the stairs and he was none the wiser to what she'd been doing.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, I just wondered what you where doing down here that's all."

Alex sat down on the floor and pulled her T-shirt down as far over her knees as she could. John didn't know if he should stay with her, so he didn't, he went back upstairs and left her alone. She could tell already that this was probably going to be a huge mistake, but she could go on in good conscious marry John when she had left everything the way it was between them, she wasn't that sort of person.

_Now_

What?

_You're not that sort of person now._

Shut up.

Alex wasn't in the mood to listen to her inner voice's ramblings. Her and Randy had arranged to meet after Raw next week when John was away filming in Australia and she was visiting old friends whose names she couldn't remember. Just thinking about it, made her stomach toss and turn, but she wasn't going to back out, Alex had to do this. She got up off the floor and went into the kitchen, the ring still sat in it's black box, twinkling up at her from whatever light source was filtering into the room. She didn't dare try it on, a childish part of her brain thought it would get stuck on her finger and she'd never be able to take it off again. Alex held it between her thumb and forefinger, looking at it for a few seconds, wondering how much it cost, before putting it back and tucking it away. Alex went back upstairs and stood outside the bedroom door, hidden in shadows and not going in. She was listening for any signs that John was still awake, when she got none she just went in and he was sitting up waiting for her.

"What time do you leave in the morning?" she asked quietly.

"Early, five-ish. I know it sucks only having one night together, but it's good for my career and at least we made it count."

He smiled, but Alex was sombre.

"You're not going to like this, but I've thought about it and I think it's best."

"What?"

"I think we should hold off the whole getting married thing."

John nodded. "I know, you have to sort the divorce out and everything."

"After that." Alex replied. "Even after that, we should hold it off. I'm not ready for this."

Neither one of them said anything else, Alex climbed into bed and rolled onto her side, they didn't sleep.

Even though she was wide awake when the alarm went off, and John called her name, Alex didn't say goodbye, she just kept her eyes closed and even though she wasn't aware of it she fell asleep and woke up at eleven with the phone downstairs ringing. By the time she was downstairs, it had stopped and there was a message from Cynthia.

"Alex dear, I know this is terrible but Anika and Grandpa Alexander want to see you. I know all Anika will do is shout, but you are her only Granddaughter. Me and Ian will pick you up at two."

She groaned, gods he really didn't want to spend her afternoon being called a harlot and a disgrace, at least it would give her something else to think about. She had a craving for cereal and went into the kitchen, instinct drew her to the drawer. The ring was gone.

The ring was with John, tucked away in his bag and it stayed on his mind for the whole flight to Australia. He didn't want to film the movie, he didn't want to leave Alex. No matter how many times he asked himself what's the worse that can happen, it didn't help. Give him half the chance he could come up with twelve worse case scenarios, each one more depressive than the last. He wished he could climb into her head and work out what she was thinking. Not so long ago Alex wanted to marry him, now she needed time, sure he understood this must all be hard for her, but her sudden change of heart had made his head spin. It was thinking about that when another scenario popped into his head, one worse then all the others. She wouldn't be there when he got back.


	7. Sorry Seems To Be

It wasn't long afterwards, approximately three days that Alex had her first nightmare. A black and white disjointed vision of something she wasn't certain of at first. She was following something into a road she hadn't seen before and bending down to pick it up, something cold and small. Then there was a noise, a loud screech before she saw the bar just inches from her face. Alex woke up in a cold sweat and the screech she heard in her dream was a scream that came from her. For awhile she just lay there in the bed with the images going around and around in her head. She felt sick and when she fell asleep again the same thing happened, and again the night after that. It went on for four nights before Alex mentioned it to the Doctor who nodded.

"This was what I was talking about Alex. This is exactly why you should see a therapist. But there is a good side to this."

"What?"

"The nightmare isn't really a nightmare, it's a memory of the accident. Therefore an improvement."

Alex had raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "But last time..."

"Last time we took scans there was nothing, but now there is. I'm going to put your name forward to see a councillor at the hospital, you need it."

"I don't want to." Alex said.

"No but you need to. Believe me."

Alex had left the hospital in a foul mood and gone straight to the coffee shop where she had arranged to meet Randy. He was already there, and watched her cross the road to get to him, he didn't smile.

"Hi." she said, but before she got any futhur a waitress bustled over to take her order, a waitress who seemed to recognise her as she smiled warmly.

"Mrs. Orton! I haven't seen you in forever! The usual?"

Alex looked to Randy for help. "What's the usual?"

"A semi skinned skinny latte."

"What the hell is that?"

"She'll have the usual." Randy said to the waitress who looked slightly bemused.

When she bustled off Alex wondered what to say. What did you say to a man who tried to nurse you back to health after you left him for someone else?

"How are you?"

That seemed like a good idea.

"How do you think?"

That was a question even her inner voice had been trying to ignore. She really didn't want to think about that.

"I don't know, that's why I asked."

"Why did you want to come here Alex? Wouldn't your life just be better if I faded away and let you and John get on with it?"

"No. Randy, I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't."

The waitress came back with Alex's order, of which she took a sip, made a face and pushed it away.

"You don't have to do this." Randy said. "The whole lets-be-friends thing. It never works and if it's about feeling guilty don't. If it's about getting a divorce I'll take care of it."

"No!" Alex said. "It's not about any of those things, not really. It's too early for divorce and I can't help feeling guilty. I'm not going to lie, I do love John but I thought leaving you for him would make everything click. I expected everything to fall into place and be alright."

"It sounds like it's so hard." Randy said, his voice full of sarcasm.

"Everything isn't alright. Nothing's changed, I still feel the same except worse because you don't want anything to do with me."

Randy sighed and sat back in his chair and Alex could see why she married him, he was gorgeous, she would have been stupid not to.

"It would have been some sort of minor miracle if your whole life had came right back to you just because you left me. I wasn't the problem...."

"I know!"

"The problem was your head, not me."

"I know, I don't know why I would think of something so stupid. You where great with me and I'm sorry."

Randy took her coffee and drank some. "No your not. You've got what you wanted, you and John are getting married."

"We're not."

"Why?"

"Because, it doesn't feel right."

Even as Alex said it she had no idea why. Why was she telling her soon -to-be ex husband all this? What did he care? Why did he want to know and why wasn't she telling all this to John?

"If it doesn't feel right then...."

"Don't." Alex warned. "Please don't say anything. I'm confused and messed up and unsure anyway. I don't need you adding to it Randy."

"Sorry."

He reached over the table and took her hand, Alex didn't pull away, it comforted her.

"You'll be alright." He told her.

She would of loved to believed him, but deep down she couldn't. She did something she knew she shouldn't do, Alex arranged to meet up with him again.

It wasn't long afterwards, approximately three days that Alex had her first nightmare. A black and white disjointed vision of something she wasn't certain of at first. She was following something into a road she hadn't seen before and bending down to pick it up, something cold and small. Then there was a noise, a loud screech before she saw the bar just inches from her face. Alex woke up in a cold sweat and the screech she heard in her dream was a scream that came from her. For awhile she just lay there in the bed with the images going around and around in her head. She felt sick and when she fell asleep again the same thing happened, and again the night after that. It went on for four nights before Alex mentioned it to the Doctor who nodded.

"This was what I was talking about Alex. This is exactly why you should see a therapist. But there is a good side to this."

"What?"

"The nightmare isn't really a nightmare, it's a memory of the accident. Therefore an improvement."

Alex had raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "But last time..."

"Last time we took scans there was nothing, but now there is. I'm going to put your name forward to see a councillor at the hospital, you need it."

"I don't want to." Alex said.

"No but you need to. Believe me."

Alex had left the hospital in a foul mood and gone straight to the coffee shop where she had arranged to meet Randy. He was already there, and watched her cross the road to get to him, he didn't smile.

"Hi." she said, but before she got any futhur a waitress bustled over to take her order, a waitress who seemed to recognise her as she smiled warmly.

"Mrs. Orton! I haven't seen you in forever! The usual?"

Alex looked to Randy for help. "What's the usual?"

"A semi skinned skinny latte."

"What the hell is that?"

"She'll have the usual." Randy said to the waitress who looked slightly bemused.

When she bustled off Alex wondered what to say. What did you say to a man who tried to nurse you back to health after you left him for someone else?

"How are you?"

That seemed like a good idea.

"How do you think?"

That was a question even her inner voice had been trying to ignore. She really didn't want to think about that.

"I don't know, that's why I asked."

"Why did you want to come here Alex? Wouldn't your life just be better if I faded away and let you and John get on with it?"

"No. Randy, I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't."

The waitress came back with Alex's order, of which she took a sip, made a face and pushed it away.

"You don't have to do this." Randy said. "The whole lets-be-friends thing. It never works and if it's about feeling guilty don't. If it's about getting a divorce I'll take care of it."

"No!" Alex said. "It's not about any of those things, not really. It's too early for divorce and I can't help feeling guilty. I'm not going to lie, I do love John but I thought leaving you for him would make everything click. I expected everything to fall into place and be alright."

"It sounds like it's so hard." Randy said, his voice full of sarcasm.

"Everything isn't alright. Nothing's changed, I still feel the same except worse because you don't want anything to do with me."

Randy sighed and sat back in his chair and Alex could see why she married him, he was gorgeous, she would have been stupid not to.

"It would have been some sort of minor miracle if your whole life had came right back to you just because you left me. I wasn't the problem...."

"I know!"

"The problem was your head, not me."

"I know, I don't know why I would think of something so stupid. You where great with me and I'm sorry."

Randy took her coffee and drank some. "No your not. You've got what you wanted, you and John are getting married."

"We're not."

"Why?"

"Because, it doesn't feel right."

Even as Alex said it she had no idea why. Why was she telling her soon -to-be ex husband all this? What did he care? Why did he want to know and why wasn't she telling all this to John?

"If it doesn't feel right then...."

"Don't." Alex warned. "Please don't say anything. I'm confused and messed up and unsure anyway. I don't need you adding to it Randy."

"Sorry."

He reached over the table and took her hand, Alex didn't pull away, it comforted her.

"You'll be alright." He told her.

She would of loved to believed him, but deep down she couldn't. She did something she knew she shouldn't do, Alex arranged to meet up with him again.


	8. Bumps

The day that Vince McMahon called was the day that Alex was just one step away from talking to herself out loud to stop the boredom. The day before had been bad, for some inexplicable reason she'd lay in bed wide awake until three in the afternoon just staring at the wall, she didn't even answer the phone when it rang, which it did more then once. Even though she had some fleeting idea who Vince was and how important he was to her job, Alex couldn't bring herself to be all kiss-assy.

"Alex we wanted to know how you where doing?"

"Fine." She replied it was the same answer she gave anyone who asked her.

"Good. Now as you're still under contract with us we where wondering if you would be interested in coming back to work. Wrestling is obviously out of the question for now but we could bring you back in a valet role, let the fans know you're ok and maybe you could write a column for the website. That way you'll make some money and we'll keep an employee."

It didn't take much thought, so she wasn't really sure if her Doctor or John would approve, and she hadn't figured out how she felt about wrestling but she would do anything that got her out of the house.

"Why not."

"Excellent we'll send you a ticket straight out, we want you in Texas on Monday along with the rest of the Raw crew. Someone will meet you in the airport and we'll take everything slowly. Do you need to talk to John about it?"

She almost laughed, what did she need to talk to John for? He wasn't in charge of her, though it seemed people assumed he was. The Doctors at the hospital asked where he was, her mother, people on the street who knew her but she didn't know them.

"No, it's fine. He's away, why should I stay at home."

"Good, good. We'll see you on Monday."

He hung up and Alex smiled to herself. Goodbye to this stupid house that was becoming a prison and the horrible vast space that allowed her too much time to think. She couldn't wait to get out, to get away

_To get with Randy_

Shut up. She didn't need stupid inner voice starting with her now. Her and Randy where over and that was it, him being there hadn't effected her decision what so ever, no matter what anyone or any part of her thought. But her mind was already well into the debate. Obviously she hadn't wanted to be with Randy that was why she had left him for John, that was why she was here now, stuck alone suffering from panic attacks and borderline depression. Alex ignored that last bit, she was fine, John was fine, and everything was fine.

But John wasn't fine, especially with the idea of his girlfriend going back to work.

"Alex," he began wearily trying to get his point across for the seventh time in fifteen minutes. "Wrestling is dangerous and who knows what one bad bump could do to you?"

"I've told you I'm not going to be taking any bumps, Vince understands. It's strictly a valet position."

"Even valets take bumps."

"I won't! God John, do you want me to stay stuck at home and wait for you? To be Holly Housewife?"

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't!"

"You might!"

Alex made a noise that almost sounded like an animal growling. "You just want to keep me wrapped up in a bubble so only you can touch. You think I'm your personal property and I'm not!"

John was desperately trying to stay calm. "I don't."

"Then what is it?"

He couldn't tell her the truth, that he was terrified her and Randy would get close again. Maybe she would leave John for him, why not, she'd done it before just the other way around. But he couldn't tell her that, it felt like she was drawing him into a fight. Time to say goodbye.

"Forget it, do whatever you want."

"Like I was waiting for your blessing."

She slammed the phone down before he even had a chance.


	9. Same Old

Even as Alex sat in the make up artists chair the next Monday waiting for the show to start she was still annoyed at John and she'd had a lot on her mind. There had been tapes to watch, scripts to read and seven million interviews with seventy million different people. The whole time the argument with him was at the back of her mind. She couldn't believe he was really trying to stop her, well screw him. She wasn't about to sit at home and just end up as a shell for no one, especially not John. Who did he think he was? Alex was supposed to be his girlfriend not his daughter. She was still thinking about it half an hour later when she standing around doing nothing and Randy had slid up next to her.

"Glad to be back?" he asked

Stupid question but at least he was making conversation.

"I'm glad to be out of that house."

"Did…John say anything about you coming here? Did you talk to him about it?"

"I told him I was coming here and he couldn't do anything about it. Does that count?"

Randy smiled a little and the make up artist finished up with her.

"Didn't he want you here?"

"He didn't want me to get hurt, but he couldn't save me from a speeding car in France so he can't save me from a bump when he's away somewhere."

Randy looked down at the floor and Alex realised what she had said. "I didn't mean anything towards you, I was just getting a dig in at John. Sorry."

"It's alright." He said. "It's true anyway."

Alex nodded, not sure what he meant exactly. Did he mean she was right about John, or him or both? Her head was beginning to hurt.

"Have they told you what's going on tonight?" he asked, she could tell they where getting closer to the stage area, there where far more people swarming around now.

"No, not really, they said whoever I was working with would come and find me and fill me in with what's going on."

She stopped suddenly and looked over at Randy, looked guilty, like the whole thing had been his idea but he just didn't want to admit it.

"John is going to flip."

"Sorry, they didn't care about the whole thing with us, they thought it would make a good angle. They just want you to go out and cheer me on. That's it,"

That's it for now, she thought. She'd watched enough tapes in the past few days to know how often manager angles turned into love angles and if that happened Alex really would have a nervous breakdown, well another one. She was beginning to wish she'd listened to John and stayed at home.

The roar of the crowd was deafening, they where live, Jonathan Coachman smiled at the camera and Alex's mouth went dry, she'd forgotten everything. Out of the corner of her eye she could see a crowd of people had formed to see how well she'd do, Randy was amongst them.

"Ladies and gentlemen I'm here with the returning Cady King who after a car accident that could of killed her is making her Raw return tonight."

The crowd in the arena gave another loud cheer and then began chanting for her.

"Cady, tell us what it was like those long hard months stuck at home, what got you through it?"

This was the hard part, she had to make it all up now. Make it up and make it look good.

"Coach, I've got to tell you it's getting pretty dark when you're lying at home with nothing to do but stare at four walls. You can't leave the house because you're too sick, you can't do anything but lie there and you need one thing to pull you through. My one thing was getting up, walking out of that house and coming back here, back to my fans and doing what I love."

Another cheer.

"Tonight isn't just my return Coach." Alex went on. "It's the beginning of a new era."

With a flick of her hair, Alex turned on her heel and walked off screen straight into a group of divas. Someone shouted cut, people began clapping and she could honestly say that ever since she woke up from her coma, Alexandra Orton had never felt so alive.

John saw Raw, he watched it in his hotel room and saw Alex come out with Randy. His first instinct was to reach for the phone and ask her what the hell did she think she was doing. But it was late in the states and there was already enough distance between them, in miles and metaphorically. He didn't want her back in the ring, for her own sake. She was in a fragile state but that didn't seem to matter to Alex, she didn't seem to care about what the doctors had said. John didn't know what was wrong with her. She was unhappy when he wasn't there and she was unhappy when he was. Nothing seemed to please her so if this made her happy then it couldn't be that bad.

The only problem was she'd be happy on another show, away from him and with Randy, again. John couldn't think about it any longer.


End file.
